Today I’d rather do the thing that my soul has been desperately longing for.
Instead of arguing with my dad about all the old food in the fridge, I’d rather be scrambling to find my favorite gear and filling up my ultralight dyneema pack with a water pump, pot, and sleeping bag.
Instead of being on the phone for too long waiting to schedule my dad’s surgery appointment, I’d rather be mulling over my decision between lasagna or pad thai freeze dried meals.
Instead of consolidating my mom’s long list of medications, I’d rather be picking my cute hiking outfit and checking if my pants from last season fit still.
Instead of preparing my parent’s meals and washing all the dishes, I’d rather be taking that long drive out to Yosemite at dawn allowing my mind to drift along with the passing tree lines.
Today I’d rather do the thing that nourishes my heart-mind and enlivens my spirit.
Instead of driving my mom to see her doctor and failing to find disability parking, I’d rather be tying up my hiking boots, pulling 35 pounds onto my back, and feeling the sun’s warmth on my face as I take a deep breath and begin the unknown journey on the trail.
Instead of being referee to the incessant bickering between my parents about cleaning the sink spits, I’d rather be staring out over the edge of this granite perch tracing back the miles I walked that day.
Instead of vigilantly checking on my mom while she’s napping to make sure she’s still breathing, I’d rather be heating up a pot of hot water to make my favorite cup of rose tulsi tea and enjoy it as the sun rises above the horizon.
Instead of going through countless notifications of fraud and spam messages on my mom’s phone to make sure she doesn’t get scammed, I’d rather be noticing the beautiful blooms of wild flowers on the side of the path, taking steps mindfully to avoid smushing them.
Today I’d rather do the thing that reminds me of who I am when all the noise in my mind falls aways.
Instead of managing their health records, filling their prescriptions, and emailing their doctors, I’d rather be arriving to my camp spot excited to roam the land and find the very best place to pitch a tent.
Instead of arguing with my dad about putting styrofoam in the recycling or not, I’d rather be laying my naked body on gorgeous granite rock after a courageous dip in the freezing Tuolumne river.
Instead of arguing about food portions and negotiating who should eat the final bits of stewed pork in the pot as to not waste food, I’d rather be laying in my sleeping bag under the vast dark sky figuring out which constellations are which.
Instead of helping my mom change her clothes and pull up her pants and underwear, I’d rather be sitting quietly staring up at the clouds wondering what it would be like to be in them.
Today I’d rather do the thing that helps me remember my wholeness, beyond all doing and caregiving.
Beautiful. I can feel your deep self and also caring for others and the hardship of those things together. Sending love. ❤️